Well, I *think* I'm ready. You see, this is my sixth baby to carry inside me and it may be my last. This year I turned 42 and I know that I cannot keep having babies forever. I do know God could allow another, but as my older children grow they need more of me and I do not want to neglect them because of the little ones that need so much attention. Does that make sense? My, oldest will soon be 13 and she already wants me to stay up late talking about 'life' stuff [why do teenagers want to start talking at 10pm??]. It's not easy to stay up late when you need to be up every few hours to nurse a newborn, but I know my older children need me just as much as my littles do. It truly makes me so sad to even think that this may be the last time I will feel a baby move inside me. When I hear other moms say, "I'm done!" I always think to myself, "Oh, I will never feel that way". I see children as a gift from God and I would never say "no" to a gift...especially from heaven!
However, I do know that the main reason I feel this way is because of the loss of our 2nd child. She was born perfectly healthy, but only lived three weeks. She died in her sleep and losing her completely changed me. It made me a better mom in so many ways...it made me more aware of the 'mundane moments' that we take for granted. I truly cherish every moment, because I know they can be gone in an instant. Shortly after losing her, I promised God that I would welcome every child He brought and He has faithfully brought four more! Some women lose a child and never want to have another, due to fear. I'm so thankful God allowed me to cling to Him and to TRUST Him through such a painful time. He gave me a strong desire to have more children. And I cannot imagine life without all these little 'gifts'.
So today...I wait. I patiently wait on God's timing...He will bring this new baby soon. He has the plan and it is good. If this is my last I will forever be grateful for the 39+ weeks I was allowed to be pregnant. Time is slow right now, but soon it will fly! So today...I wait and cherish the time.
